Mortal Instruments Facebook
by Jace.HLovesDucks123
Summary: Title sums it up, the Shadowhunters sign up for Facebook, and give you information on their lives!
1. Chapter 1

This is Mortal Instruments Facebook, where you'll see the day-to-day lives and humor of the Shadowhunters, so kick back and enjoy the show.

* * *

**Jace Lightwood** and **Clary Fray** are in a relationship.

_Comments_:

**Jace Lightwood:** Love you Clare Bear!

(_Isabelle Lightwood likes this)_

**Clary Fray: **Jace, how many times have I told you not to call me Clare Bear?

(_Magnus Bane and Simon Lewis like this)_

**Jace Lightwood: **About five times today

**Clary Fray: **Which means that you should stop calling me Clare Bear.

**Simon Lewis:** I think Clare Bear is a very nice nickname

_(Alec Lightwood, Jordan Kyle, Isabelle Lightwood, and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Clare Bear Fray:** How did you change my name?!

_(Maia Roberts, Isabelle Lightwood, and Jace Lightwood like this)_

**Simon Lewis:** It was rather simple, I guessed that it was 'Jace is hot' no spaces.

_(Jace Lightwood likes this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** Out shopping with my amazing BFF Magnus (who makes credit cards out of thin air)!

_(Magnus Bane and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

_Comments_

**Jace Lightwood: **Only Isabelle would like her own status

_(Jace Lightwood and Alec Lightwood like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** You know Jace, I think that after shopping, I'm going to make my Italian salmon cobbler surprise!

**Alec Lightwood:** Hey, Iz, did you ever know that you're like my favorite sister ever? And you're so good at making cobbler, it might make Jace feel bad that he will never achieve such culinary success, and you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, would you?

_(Jace Lightwood and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** Well then, if I don't want to hurt Jace's feelings, I should make something I've never made before, so it won't be so good that he will feel bad about himself! What do you think of chicken chocolate soup with garbanzo beans?

**Clary Fray:** By saving Jace, you've also sealed his fate, Alec.

**Maia Roberts** and **Jordan Kyle** are in a relationship.

_(Clary Fray and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

_Comments_

**Jordan Kyle:** Oh come on, no one ever comments on our statuses!

_(Jace Lightwood and Simon Lewis like this)_

**Maia Roberts: **We're interesting too!

**Magnus Bane:** I could help you be more interesting by giving you and werewolf boy a makeover!

_(Clary Fray, Alec Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, and Jace Lightwood like this)_

**Jordan Kyle:** Oh, well you know, I sort of can't I've got to...howl at the moon and all that...

**Maia Roberts:** Er, me too! Howling at the moon just takes up a lot of time, and then I've got to...go to the store, and...yeah, we've got a pretty filled schedule.

**Clary Fray:** First official demon kill! All of you must be burning with jealousy!

_(Jace Lightwood and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

_Comments_

**Jace Lightwood:** A bit more satisfying than killing a Ravener by jamming a Sensor down its throat, don't you think?

**Alec Lightwood:** What kind?

_(Magnus Bane likes_ this)

**Jace Lightwood: **A few Oni demon were loose on Upper East Side, of course, I did the most work.

_(Jace Lightwood likes this)_

**Clary Fray:** I still killed one of them by myself! You just killed four of them then started filing your nails with your stele!

_(Jace Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** In my defense, one of the Oni might have chipped my nail, then I got very worried, but when I realized there was no chipped nail, I realized what horrible condition the others were in. It had to be resolved immediately!

_(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)_

**Clary Fray:** *Sigh*

**Isabelle Lightwood **and **Simon Lewis** are in a relationship.

_(Clary Fray, Magnus Bane, and Alec Lightwood like this)_

_Comments:_

**Jace Lightwood:** With the vampire, really Iz?

**Isabelle Lightwood:** My chicken chocolate garbanzo bean soup offer [threat] still stands, Jace.

_(Simon Lewis and Clary Fray like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Well, as long as you don't start popping out vampire/Shadowhunter babies.

_(Magnus Bane likes_ this_)_

**Simon Lewis:** I'm going to ignore that.

**Isabelle Lightwood:** Alec, you have five minutes to get to Magnus's, otherwise, all residents of the New York Institute shall feel my wrath! And Jace, don't try to escape, because I'm holding all your DVDs hostage!

_(Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Alec Lightwood: ***Runs so fast he leaves an Alec shaped dust cloud behind*

_(Clary Fray, Magnus Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, and Jordan Kyle like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Which DVDs do you have in particular?

**Isabelle Lightwood: **Oh you know...just some I found under your bed!

_(Simon Lewis likes this)_

**Clary Fray: **Jace! Is she talking about what I think she's talking about?

_(Simon Lewis, Alec Lightwood, and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood: **Yes! The entire world gets to know that Jace has an entire collection of...

**Isabelle Lightwood:**...

**Isabelle Lightwood:**...

**Isabelle Lightwood:** All 10 seasons of Friends!

**Alec Lightwood:** The word for that is anticlimactic.

_(Jace Lightwood, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Missing her...:(

_Comments:_

**Clary Fray: **You realize I just went to the bathroom right?

_(Simon Lewis and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** I bore easily

_(Clary Fray likes this)_

**Magnus Bane:** EVERYONE GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED! CHAIRMAN MEOW FELL IN LOVE! I'M SETTING THE WEDDING DATE FOR NEXT WEEK! What do you think I should name my new female cat?

_(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Simon Lewis: **Chairwoman Meow?

**Clary Fray: **I don't know why, but I think Charlotte would be a good name.

**Jace Lightwood:** Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein

**Isabelle Lightwood:** Sparkles McSparkle Pants

**Alec Lightwood: **Uh, Magnus, I'd hate to break up this whole cat christening, but the cats are doing something on the carpet, and they probably didn't learn it from us...

* * *

Everyone, vote for your favorite name suggested by the group! They are

1. Chairwoman Meow

2. Charlotte

3. Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein

4. Sparkles McSparkle Pants

Ave atque vale,


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for the reviews, here is the next installment of Facebook for Shadowhunters, and Chairman Meow's lover's name will be decided by next chapter! Everyone, keep voting!

* * *

**Magnus Bane** and **Alec Lightwood **are in a relationship.

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane, and Maia Roberts like this)_

_Comments:_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** When there is the wedding, make sure there's no orange, it is simply not my color, and **Clary Fray **would look like a bottle of ketchup!

_(Magnus Bane likes this)_

**Clary Fray:** Did you really need to tag me so you can compare me to a condiment?

_(Alec Lightwood and Simon Lewis like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Have I ever mentioned how unbelievably hot you look in any color?

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Maia Roberts, Clary Fray, and Magnus Bane likes this)_

**Maia Roberts: **Isn't it so adorable to see Clace in action?

_(Isabelle Lightwood likes this)_

**Clary Fray:** Uh, what's Clace exactly?

**Jace Lightwood: **Clary+Jace=Clace, it's an amalgamation of our names, thus our couple name.

**Simon Lewis:** Simonelle? Isamon?

_(Jordan Kyle, Isabelle Lightwood, and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Magnus Bane:** Lord, both of those are horrendous! Malec is much better!

_(Clary Fray and Alec Lightwood like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** OMG getting the decorations for my brother's 19th birthday party! #mall #Simonelle #Alec #birthday party #shopping #Church pooped on Jace's bed #cake #streamers #balloons #lots of sparkles

_(Magnus Bane, Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, and Clary Fray like this)_

_Comments:_

**Simon Lewis: **Iz, this isn't Twitter, hash tags don't do anything on Facebook

_(Clary Fray likes this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Church did WHAT on my bed?!

_(Clary Fray, Simon Lewis, Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane, Maia Roberts, Jordan Kyle, Isabelle Lightwood, and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** Pooped, crapped, dumped, whatever you wish to call it, he did it on your bed, oh, and how did Magnus like your comment twice?

_(Simon Lewis likes this)_

**Magnus Bane:** I'm a warlock, Isabelle, I can do things like that, and at least your cat didn't do what mine did, and is still doing, on my bed, with his fiance. I suppose I'm going to have to give Chairman a talk about how Alec and I are perfectly accepting of his alternative lifestyle and we still love him.

_(Alec Lightwood, Clary Fray, and Jace Lightwood like this)_

**Alec Lightwood: **We knew this day was coming, we just hoped it would never have to...

_(Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fray like this)_

**Maia Roberts:** You know, I think I'm going to start a club for only Downworlders and no Shadowhunters, see how they like it!

_(Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane, and Jordan Kyle like this)_

_Comments:_

**Simon Lewis: **We should get a faerie to join, Magnus, you still know the Phouka from your party? The same who pinched Alec's highly personal area?

_(Jordan Kyle and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Alec Lightwood: **That's great, we just need that dude hanging around more.

**Jordan Kyle: **Hey! This is a group with a no Shadowhunter rule! Magnus, make him leave!

_(Maia Roberts and Simon Lewis like this)_

**Alec Lightwood:** fgevUERHNVcinjcwljdnqenfkjwefnvwekfvewjvwernvnwini uhfnnfrheiuwnefkewjfnwiuhnflklkn

_(Jace Lightwood and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Maia Roberts: **Er, what happened to him?

_(Jordan Kyle likes_ this)

**Magnus Bane: **I made him fall asleep on his keyboard, he's very cute when sleeping, don't you think? I'll send you all a picture, or maybe a video of him snoring! Let's put up a big sign for our group that says, _Anyone who is a Shadowhunter, mundane, or a non sparkly and fabulous Downworlder will be put to sleep_.

_(Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane, Jordan Kyle, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Simon Lewis: **Let's call the group the Magnificent and Instantaneous Lovers of Kabobs!

_(Maia Roberts likes this)_

**Jordan Kyle: **So, MILF for short?

_(Magnus Bane, Simon Lewis, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Maia Roberts:** We're so awesome *we all walk away from an fiery explosion wearing suits as we put sunglasses on* that is how awesome we are.

**Jace Lightwood-Clary Fray:** Hey, you're totally amazing and beautiful, speaking of that, I twisted my ankle while cleaning cat poop from my bed, can you get me a sandwich?

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, and Alec Lightwood like this)_

_Comments:_

**Isabelle Lightwood: **That, ladies and gentlemen, and Alec, is true love.

_(Jace Lightwood likes this)_

**Clary Fray: **What about the time I sent you to the store to get me a new sketchbook and you ended up getting a Mtn. Dew, a cinnamon roll, and a hot dog?

_(Isabelle Lightwood and Simon Lewis like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** The answer to that is very simple, I went to the store, looking for the sketchbook, then I began to think how wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, and good at making sandwiches you are, and I completely forgot! And I knew that Isabelle was making tangerine chili tonight, so I decided to fill up and thus have an excuse.

_(Simon Lewis and Alec Lightwood like this)_

**Simon Lewis:** He's going for the flattery and then logical excuse, Cotton, a bold move, let's see how it works out for him!

_(Magnus Bane likes this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood: **Is that another movie thing?

_(Alec Lightwood and Jace Lightwood like this)_

**Simon Lewis: **That's it, all residents of the Institute, tonight I will be holding a seminar for questions on mundane quotes and references to popular culture, then, we will be watching the movie Dodgeball.

_(Magnus Bane, Clary Fray, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Alec Lightwood-Magnus Bane:** Magnus, did you get the stuff?

_Comments:_

**Magnus Bane: **Oh yeah, I got the 'stuff'.

**Clary Fray: **What's this mysterious stuff you speak of?

_(Jace Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Isabelle Lightwood, and Jordan Kyle like this)_

**Magnus Bane: **Part of Alec's massive drug addiction

**Alec Lightwood: ***sigh* It's the rainbow sprinkles and whip cream for my birthday cake! Angel, I'm not smoking marijuana!

**Simon Lewis: **Muwahahaha! My evil plan is unfolding, I have released Isabelle onto the Institute with the nefarious plan of baking strawberry snozzberry surprise, with extra gravy!

_(Jordan Kyle likes this)_

_Comments:_

**Clary Fray:** I thought snozzberries weren't real, just in that book

_(Simon Lewis and Maia Roberts like this_)

**Simon Lewis: **You'd think, but in the Institute greenhouse, Jace happened to make a combination of blueberries and raspberries, which I dubbed snozzberries, for they taste like snozzberries, and I have a feeling this is going to come up in my seminar.

_(Jordan Kyle and Clary Fray like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Day 1: I'm already out of the city, and have booked a boat to Morocco and a plane to Madrid, so no one will know which I am taking, and I have been able to delete my traces off anything that might be tracking me. I plan on taking a pseudonym to protect my identity, and soon I will be Asian, red haired, blue eyed man who has briefly served in the Canadian navy with six fingers.

_(Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood, and Simon Lewis like this)_

**Alec Lightwood: **I just caught Jace trying to climb out the window, and you know, with my ninja skills, was able to put a sleep rune on him before he even noticed! I am a ninja master!

_(Magnus Bane likes this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood: **I think someone has had too many rainbow sprinkles and whip cream!

* * *

Thus comes the end of the second installment to Facebook for Shadowhunters, keep voting for Chairman Meow's fiance's name, and look forward to the cat wedding (which will have video coverage) as well as Alec's birthday party!

Ave atque vale,


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone, I think it has been decided by a landslide that the name of Magnus's new cat's name (as well as being Chairman Meow's lover) is Sparkles McSparkle Pants! And I've also put some lines between statuses to make it easier to read, anyway, keep reviewing!

* * *

**Alec Lightwood: **Well, the birthday party was certainly good, if only Izzy hadn't gotten drunk, dragged Simon into the bathroom, I'm not quite sure I want to know what she's doing, based on the noises.

_(Magnus Bane, Clary Fray, and Jace Lightwood like this)_

_Comments_:

**Isabelle Lightwood:** I'm not quite sure what I did in there either...but my head hurts!

_(Maia Roberts and Jace Lightwood like this)_

**Simon Lewis:** If you'd like me to clarify, then you grabbed me and took me into the bathroom, and proceeded to pass out onto the toilet, as for the noises, Chairman Meow got stuck in there, kept scratching and whining. And we were trapped because Izzy decided to put a lock rune on the door before passing out.

_(Magnus Bane, Jordan Kyle, and Clary Fray like this)_

**Clary Fray: **I have to admit it, Isabelle, I was impressed that you could lose so badly in beer pong and still stand up, but I suppose Magnus has had a few hundred years to learn to throw a ball in a cup.

**Magnus Bane: **You would not believe how wildly popular it was in the 1500s, though back in those days it was called throw the ball into the goblet of ale.

_(Simon Lewis, Alec Lightwood, and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** You're not serious

_(Clary Fray likes this)_

**Magnus Bane: **You're right, I'm not

* * *

**Maia Roberts **has created the group _Magnificent and Instantaneous Lovers of Kabob_, **Magnus Bane**,** Simon Lewis**, and** Jordan Kyle** have joined.

_(Simon Lewis likes this)_

_Comments:_

**Simon Lewis: **Does this mean that at our meetings, we get kabobs? I can't eat anything without blood, so I'm going to have to get some raw ones

_(Jordan Kyle likes this)_

**Magnus Bane: **First meeting after Chairman Meow's and his newly christened fiance, Sparkles McSparkles Pants' (Sparkly for short) wedding! And yes, Sylvester, I'll get your raw kabobs

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** He chose my name for his cat! *Squeal*

_(Simon Lewis and Magnus Bane like this)_

**Jordan Kyle:** Hey, I don't exactly know what we do at the MILF meeting, but can we play Monopoly after? Maia says it is supposed to be fun, but I don't understand it

**Magnus Bane: **First of all, werewolf boy, the meeting is about our love of kabobs and superiority to Shadowhunters, and we will throw darts at a picture of Jace, and second, only if I can add glitter.

_(Maia Roberts and Jordan Kyle like this)_

* * *

**Magnus Bane: **I hope everyone had an absolutely fabulous time at Chairman Meow's wedding, and a special thank you to the bridesmaids Clary, Isabelle, and Maia, and the flower boy, Alec, and finally to blondie, who drank something he shouldn't have and then passed out on my couch!

_(Jace Lightwood, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, and Simon Lewis like this)_

_Comments:_

**Alec Lightwood:** Why did I have to be the flower boy? I'm sure Simon would have been much happier in my position, since you know how much he loves flora.

_(Clary Fray likes this)_

**Simon Lewis: **You looked like you were such a fun time in the neon green and sparkly suit Magnus got you scattering flowers, I just couldn't take that away from you.

_(Jace Lightwood, Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane, and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Clary Fray: **Better than the dresses, which I may point out were gigantic and, what's the color for it? Mauve, that's it!

_(Jace Lightwood and Alec Lightwood like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Actually, I'm the one who chose out the color, I like mauve, if my soul were to have a color, then it would be mauve.

_(Magnus Bane likes this)_

**Magnus Bane: **I suppose you inherited it

**Jace Lightwood: **You going to tell me what you mean by that?

**Magnus Bane: **Not even close!

* * *

**Clary Fray: **Would have been a pretty nice date tonight if SOMEONE *cough* JACE *cough* had know it would not be a good date to go to dinner and then to fight some demons

_(Isabelle Lightwood, Simon Lewis, and Maia Roberts like this)_

_Comments:_

**Isabelle Lightwood: **Lucky! Simon only took me to a movie!

_(Magnus Bane likes this)_

**Clary Fray: **Iz, guys are supposed to take you to a movie, not to hunt demons, and I'm starting to see why your past relationships didn't work out

_(Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane, and Alec Lightwood like this)_

**Jace Lightwood:** Think of it as training, you just ate and you are feeling pretty full and sleepy, then BAM! A battle with a few Raum demons

_(Alec Lightwood and Isabelle Lightwood like this)_

**Simon Lewis: **Izzy, next time, instead of a pleasant night watching a movie, we'll go right into the sewers to fight a few demons instead, and instead of eating popcorn we'll be splashed with demon ichor and burned thoroughly!

_(Clary Fray, Isabelle Lightwood, and Jace Lightwood like this)_

**Isabelle Lightwood:** That's all I'm asking!

**Jace Lightwood: **1. Go onto Google 2. Type in 'definition of fun' 3. Read said definition 4. Realize that your definition of fun is different than the other seven billion people on earth

_(Alec Lightwood, Jordan Kyle, and Simon Lewis like this)_

* * *

**Simon Lewis: **Well, after everything that has nearly killed me for the second time, I'd say Isabelle getting a new credit card and dragging me to the mall wipes out nearly killed drinking Jace's evil twin's blood after being forced by a demon that was reduced to a condiment later!

_(Clary Fray and Jordan Kyle like this)_

_Comments:_

**Jace Lightwood: **Technically, he is Clary's brother who just happens to be my not as good looking counterpart, but as someone who has been dragged to shopping by Isabelle, I can understand the brain turning to mush part of shopping, especially after two hours looking at shoes. I mean, does any person need more than a pair?

**Magnus Bane:** Yes

**Isabelle Lightwood:** Yes

**Magnus Bane: **Yes

**Isabelle Lightwood: **Yes

**Magnus Bane: **Yes

**Alec Lightwood: **Speaking of the mall, can you pick me up a pretzel and an Icee? I need to stare at Magnus malevolently while I eat junk food, because he claims he's getting pudgy and is now going on a diet

_(Jace Lightwood likes this)_

**Clary Fray:** Jace, can you pretty please get me a hot dog?

**Jordan Kyle: **Oh and get me a slice of pizza

**Simon Lewis: **Can I get a burrito?

* * *

**Jace Lightwood:** There's this plane, and there are a bunch of kids on it, with a lawyer, a teacher, and a priest, but the plane is going to crash, so the teacher is like "Save the children!" The lawyer says "Screw the children!" Then the priest quietly says to the lawyer, "Do you think we have the time?"

_(Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane, and Jordan Kyle like this)_

_Comments:_

**Isabelle Lightwood: **You're a bad person for telling that joke, but we're all bad people for laughing as hard as we did

_(Alec Lightwood likes this)_

**Simon Lewis: **How is the Titanic the best girlfriend ever? She goes down on you on the first date!

_(Jace Lightwood and Maia Roberts like this)_

**Magnus Bane: **You know the thing about a pile of babies and a trampoline? One's fun to jump on, and the other is a trampoline.

**Alec Lightwood**:What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender, and I hope that we all realize that we are horrible people

_(Simon Lewis and Jace Lightwood like this)_

* * *

Well, sorry if you're offended about the jokes, maybe they're funny, maybe I'm just a terrible person, maybe it's Maybelline, anyway, don't stop reviewing.


End file.
